Scott Hollifield: White House petioners say hot issues are space aliens,...
The White House insists there are no aliens on ice in Area 51, but it has rendered no opinion on the legalization of mixed martial arts in New York.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Paranormal report, abnormal analysis
The long-awaited Paranormal Activity Analysis is out and the results are startling, according to a report I received marked “FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE.” I had stuck it in a drawer, came across it a week...
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Danger in the toy box -- these are naughty not nice
It’s here: The annual list of toys most likely to send children to hospital emergency rooms has been released.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Few can resist the Siren song of the chimney
As one of the nation’s leading consumer safety advocates, I am issuing an emergency warning: Chimneys are a menace to society.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Driving Lesson III - The call of the open road
At first, she did not hear the call of the open road.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Monkey Action News Team picks top stories of 2011
As bureau chief of the Monkey Action News Team, I can attest that it’s been a tough year for our organization.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Bold and controversial 2012 Year in Preview, Part I
It’s the holiday season and that can only mean one thing, aside from more domestic disturbances and hospital emergency room visits to remove button batteries from the noses of children: I use my power...
View ArticleScott Hollifield: The mystery of the girl with the wood-turning lathe
The text message was either a harmless mistake or an unfortunate turn of events that puts me at the center of a deadly game of international cat and mouse.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Dead S.C. voters can only mean one thing
The attorney general of South Carolina said a review shows 900 dead people voted in recent elections across the state, a number he finds “alarming.”
View ArticleScott Hollifield: A smile and a few kind, sarcastic words can brighten a day
We both knew I was no pretty man. But the cashier and I laughed at her assertion and my day got immeasurably better.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Monkey Action News Team lands exclusive interview, allegedly
Major media outlets were on this story like an agitated chimp on a human being’s face.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Mr. Romance is back with more dubious advice for matters of...
A quick glance at the calendar tells me it is February 2012, only 10 short months from the fiery, apocalyptic end of humanity.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Raspberry jeans? That's fruit of the looney
I’ll probably never wear a pair of scratch-and-sniff jeans.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: A penny saved or a penny spurned -- which makes more cents?
President Obama wants cheaper pennies.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Tumbling through life, part 8...or 9, who's counting?
I needed a little time off, but I didn't need two black eyes and a busted head.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Step right up, folks, and see the Amazing Broken-Face Man
Here’s what I’ve learned as a sideshow attraction: People are both repulsed and fascinated by the grotesque. And I am currently grotesque.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: A sincere and heartfelt apology to penguins everywhere
Penguins may have grabbed animal-kingdom headlines of late, but they just aren’t interesting or funny.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Encyclopedia & Evel a match made in heaven (or RIP,...
Who shall most mourn the death of the printed encyclopedia? I suggest those who still have a functioning Evel Knievel toy stunt cycle.
View ArticleScott Hollifield: Career Fair, Part IV -- Revenge of the Newspaperman
After three straight years of underwhelming the children at fifth-grade career fair with dusty editions of old newspapers, outdated camera equipment and tired anecdotes about how we did things “back in...
View ArticleScott Hollifield: At the truck stop, flat as an interstate possum
I was sure it was the perfect place for the wife to have a flat tire: The truck stop.
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